Tag: Ayahuasca

Allison Holker Boss recalls the moment when she says Stephen “tWitch” Boss changed forever.

During an interview on The Jamie Kern Lima Show while promoting her memoir This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, Holker Boss revealed that her late husband embarked on an “ayahuasca journey” and “wasn’t the same afterwards.”

“I think it was a very big turning point for him,” she said. “I feel like his heart was never really in the same place when he came back. There was something missing in his eyes.”

“It just kind of feels like he opened something up to himself that he never healed. And never fully escaped,” added Holker Boss, 36.

The professional dancer went on to say that she was “really sad” about what her husband went through, and despite it all, she would remember him as “a wonderful person.”

However, she also noted that while she “will always” celebrate Boss, she also couldn’t “celebrate so much of his [choices]” — especially the ones that would leave a lasting impact on their children. (The two share a son Maddox, 9 next month, and daughter Zaia, 5, while Holker Boss also has 16-year-old daughter Weslie from a previous relationship.)

“That’s a really fine line I have to walk as a mother right now … because [the kids] are very hurt by their father’s decision,” she said. “And they have a lot of triggers that they have to be in therapy now to really work through.”

“But what I am impressed with is that they are doing the work, and they are putting in the time, and they are finding joy in life, and they are finding laughter again,” Holker Boss continued. “But there’s a lot to unpack for them that they’ll have to deal with for the rest of their lives.”

Last month, the So You Think You Can Dance judge opened up about her decision to share her and Stephen’s story in her memoir — which also details his struggles ahead of his death by suicide in December 2022 at age 40 — after facing criticism from his loved ones and social media.

“To fans of Stephen and our family and friends, I want to be clear that my only intention in writing the book is to share my own story as well as part of my life with Stephen to help other people,” Holker Boss said at the time. “Just like you, I never really knew what happened, and even as I am trying to put the pieces together I will never really know.”

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She continued, in part, “I hope that by sharing our full story maybe I can help someone else who might see themselves or a loved one in Stephen. In sharing I hope maybe they catch some [of] the red flags that I missed before it’s too late.”

Holker Boss shared that over the last two years since his death, she has “spoken in detail” with National Alliance of Mental Health, Solomon Family Solutions and The Defensive Line to “better educate myself on mental health issues so that I can share warning signs with others.”

“My hope is that we don’t need to lose another husband, brother, father or friend to suicide,” she continued. “I believe that if Stephen were able to choose, he would choose to have his story told if it meant saving even one life.”

“Much love to all those who supported our family these many years,” Holker Boss concluded.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.