Tag: Child

“Good luck, Mum.” The sweet exchange, between Myles Lewis-Skelly and his mother Marcia, was the perfect prelude to an evening that was all about the families of academy prospects and how best to help their children through the academy system. It was symbolic: after all the support that this particular parent had given her son, here he was, now a fully fledged professional, supporting her.

Marcia Lewis was back in the canteen at Hale End where she spent countless hours as Myles progressed through the age groups. She was accompanied by her friend and colleague Kate Iorpenda, whose two sons passed through the youth system at Brighton & Hove Albion. They worked out that they had clocked up a combined 36 years in youth football, travelling 38,986 miles in the car to training and matches, and eating 5,856 meals in those cars.

Behind every young prodigy that apparently appears out of nowhere to make their debut is a family who has to make it their mission to transport, feed, guide, organise, protect and unconditionally love them in a very specialised world. Factor in jobs and siblings and all the other demands of everyday life and, frankly, it is little wonder that there were times Marcia and Kate, like everyone else in this environment, felt they might crack.

As they discovered, there is no guidebook to navigating the academy system — everything from expectations, injuries, agents, scholarships, contracts, boot deals, retain-or-release judgement days, friends and family needs constant managing. Knowledge is power but they had to work everything out for themselves. The idea of the No 1 Fan Club platform was born out of that gap they had to fill by asking questions, guesswork and trial and error. Now their website, sessions and online community are a means of empowering parents and providing resources to understand the pitfalls and privileges that come with the territory.

Lewis-Skelly with Arsenal academy manager and former player Per Mertesacker (Hepta Otis)

Which brings us here, upstairs at Hale End. Outside, all the groups from Arsenal’s under-sevens to under-11s are training under the floodlights. Inside, a group of 40 parents from the under-nine to under-11 cohorts settle down for a workshop and they get straight into it. After an introduction, it is time for an interactive question for the parents to consider and tap out their anonymous answers. “What are your biggest challenges right now?”

The answers strike chords: how to balance school and football. Feeling conflicted if their son has an injury — the pressure to not miss a session or a match and the worry someone else might take their place. Do you tell an academy if there is a family problem? How do you fit in a social life or other commitments alongside football?

“You can’t have your cake and eat it, but you can have pieces of the pie,” Lewis says. “It is a long journey. If you sacrifice all the parties, all the holidays, you can regret missing out on family time.” The reminder to keep a balance in mind is a useful one.

Iorpenda is candid enough to admit it took over her life to an extent. “I was guilty of thinking there was one final destination and I have to get them there. Just drive for the line,” she says. “Be realistic. Stay in the present. Don’t get too far ahead. There is so much development going on.”

Then it went back to the parents in the room to share their own feelings about the attitudes and expectations they deal with. It can be hard to handle what friends and relatives think once a child is in an elite academy. It is awkward when someone jokes about when your child will buy you a house or enable you to retire. That is so far from the reality most experience. “I get really embarrassed,” someone said. “I just try to brush it off — as long as he is having fun!” Another laments how everyone asks about how their son’s football is going and totally ignore their daughter.

The next topic is fascinating, contemplating a killer question: “What does success mean to you?”

Marcia Lewis speaks to parents about how to handle the pressures with their children (Hepta Otis)

The replies are much more grounded than expected. “If you get paid to do what you love, you’ve made it,” says one. Another considers the full experience. “A healthy, happy journey is full of closed doors and open windows. I’d hope he was resilient. Making it to him is to be a professional footballer at any level.” One of the themes of the evening resonates again here — be realistic.

They roll a clip of a parent called Alejandra, who recalls talking to a dad on the sideline who was boasting about taking his boy around the supercar showrooms in central London to choose what he will buy when he is older. He was dropped two weeks later.

They move on to some more grown-up topics to aid understanding of a cut-throat and uncertain business. Lewis took her first phone call from an agent when Myles was 11. Brands wanted to sponsor him at 12. “I wanted to park that,” she said, “But it’s very flattering. I often get asked the question about when someone will need an agent. There are rules. Agents are not allowed to approach you until your child turns 16. But it happens all the time. I would just say: don’t go too early and take your time to find the right agent for your family.”

Lewis adds that she had to monitor his phone to see who was sliding into her son’s DMs on social media — before the age of 16, he was being offered entry to nightclubs and access to buy exclusive watches amongst the reams of unsolicited and inappropriate messaging.

The key concepts that flow throughout the workshop are the benefits of a regular reality check, sharing experiences with other parents, arming yourself with information to navigate the challenges, and cherishing the positives of this remarkable upbringing. As Iorpenda adds, “Remember what else these boys are getting out of this — confidence, friendship, life experience. Look after yourself, pace yourself, rely on sharing, rely on friends.”

At the end of the session, Lewis and Iorpenda give out pens and post-it notes and ask the parents to write down tips that they would share with others. There is a lot more level-headed humility than many might imagine in the messages: “Don’t put pressure on yourself.” “Patience.” “Put family first and allow them to be children rather than a mini professional.” “Leave your ego at the door and try to keep any pressure away from your child.” “Stay calm.” “Don’t listen to lots of people and trust yourself.” “Don’t forget that you are the parent, so always look out for your child’s wellbeing.” “Tell everyone your name and ask everyone theirs!!! (Three years to learn all parents).” “Build friendships.” “Find a good support group.” “Live in the moment.” “Relax.” “Trust the process x.”

Lewis and Kate Iorpenda at the No 1 Fan Club workshop (Hepta Otis)

Per Mertesacker, the head of Arsenal’s academy, takes in the workshop from the back of the room. Several Arsenal staff members from the player care department are in attendance and they are complimentary about what they have witnessed.

When Mertesacker took the job he came up with the term keeping “balance in the bubble” as something he wanted everyone in the academy to be mindful of. They are in a bubble, and efforts to maintain balance are vital along the way. “Once it bursts: ‘Oh, where am I?’” he wonders. “We have to pay attention: What’s important to me? What’s important to my child? What’s important to our family? How can we stay connected to the world if you have a meltdown? We have to think about what is best for all of us to be better for tomorrow. It all resonates with me and comes back to my initial statement when I when I came — big on education and keeping tabs with the outside world.”

Mertesacker appreciated the work of the No 1 Fan Club as being “massively” valid in supporting the work they try to do in-house. Hearing those key messages, and seeing parents have somewhere trusted to go and seek advice outside the club, is a meaningful extra voice. “This adds a layer to what we provide. We can say things, but it always will come from a club’s perspective.”

Arsenal put a lot of emphasis on helping their academy boys to manage the world they are in. Kiran Dingri looks after player care for the under-nines to under-16s. He says, “We’re not just treating them like young footballers. We’re treating them like young people who are very talented at football. It’s important to remember they’re young people when they walk in, they’re young people when they walk out. The idea is to have an open-door policy where we’re speaking to the boys all the time. So whether that’s asking ‘How was school?’, ‘How is home?’, what they’ve done on the weekend — a lot of times, the conversation is non-football. It is about making them feel supported.”

Post-it notes at the workshop with advice for parents (Hepta Otis)

Mark Walter is the club’s senior player care manager and he also listened to the talk with interest. “We could spend a week talking about all the different aspects, and it’s refreshing to hear it from a parent’s perspective,” he says. “Managing expectation is massive even at under-eights as they’re coming into a process that could last 10 years. It could last one or two seasons. It’s about helping to take the pressure off the young people here to have fun, enjoy, develop.”

But it is the nature of the environment that there are pressures and worries as well. Arming parents to be best placed to help and understand what their boys are experiencing can only be a good thing.  When Lewis shares her experiences, as the mum of one of the great success stories of the moment in Lewis-Skelly, it is very powerful in a room full of Arsenal academy families — with boys a similar age to when Myles started here.

Towards the end of the workshop, there was extra excitement as Lewis-Skelly sat down to join the session ready to take questions. Having finished their training, some youngsters came to sit with their parents and relished the chance to ask something or take a selfie with Arsenal’s No 49. “What does it feel like to have 60,000 people watching you?” asks one. “How many meals do you eat each day?” asks another. “I eat a lot,” he giggled. “Ask my mum!”

This event is taking place at a time when Lewis-Skelly’s football life is a whirlwind — in recent weeks, he has made great inroads into the first team, playing in everything from the Champions League to the north London derby, and now he is contending with being part of a storm since his controversial red card at Wolves. But to see him with a ‘visitors’ lanyard back at Hale End, mixing it with old friends and new, young recruits, gets to the heart of who he is and where he came from.

Mertesacker bides his time and then steps up to thank Myles and surprise him with an award. The Strong Young Gunner programme is a thread that runs through Arsenal’s academy, taking in the holistic approach to developing the quality of the person as well as the quality of the footballer. “We did the votes and you got voted as an inspiration for your contribution off the pitch as well as on it. Myles, you are the best Strong Young Gunner role model.” Mertesacker gave the 18-year-old a giant hug.

Marcia Lewis watched on proudly. Behind his progress is a strong mum, and every way that she and her crew of No 1 fans can help other families with their own flight through the academy whirlwind, she will.

(Top photo: Myles Lewis Skelly with his mum, Marcia Lewis, Per Mertesacker and Kate Iorpenda; Hepta Otis)