This Meryl Streep Rom-Com Got Me Through One of the Toughest Times in My Life

Hidden in the trove of romantic comedies that I’ve watched for comfort, to escape, or maybe simply because someone dragged me to the theater, there’s one particular rom-com that came as a surprise. It snuck its way onto my screen (I’m an otherwise apprehensive rom-com viewer), subtly altering my willingness to approach the genre and teaching me a lot about relationships. When I say the name of the film in question, it could seem like the most basic or pedestrian thing to be taught about relationships, but it goes deeper. I promise. It’s Complicated, contrary to its titular implication, has more worth gleaning than “Hey, sometimes relationships are messy!!” It’s a Meryl Streep vehicle centered on a middle-aged, post-divorce love triangle, and it shifted my trajectory more heavily than any rom-com should be allowed.

It’s Complicated was written and directed by Nancy Meyers, one of the undisputed titans of the genre, so you already know it’s well worth its runtime. It helps, too, that the cast is led by Streep, Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, and a cascading list of formidable supporting actors, making it much easier to digest (and believe) the general, fluffier aura of rom-com dialogue and situational mishaps. Above all, it came at the right time. 2009, the year It’s Complicated was released, marked the convergence of the right film and the prime candidate to take in its message. Happenstance dictated that a high school boy was the perfect audience to truly listen to what this rom-com had to say.

What Is ‘It’s Complicated’ About?

It’s Complicated follows Jane (Streep), an affluent divorcée in the throes of empty-nesting. Her ex-husband, Jake (Baldwin), is now married to the woman with whom he cheated on her, the much younger Agnes (Lake Bell), but he’s still around a great deal. After all, they do have three kids together — Luke (Hunter Parrish), who’s graduating from college, Gabby (Zoe Kazan), who’s just starting college, and Lauren (Caitlin FitzGerald), who’s planning a wedding with her fiancé, Harley (John Krasinski). Jane, now all by her lonesome, is left to figure out what’s next. She owns and runs a successful bakery and stays active in her children’s lives, despite the messiness of it. Jake is… present, and therefore Agnes is too, and she’s the younger, more hip woman who represents everything Jane doesn’t wish to be reminded of at this stage of her life.

Well, thankfully, Jane has a project. She’s going to expand and renovate her home, finally getting her dream kitchen and a slew of other enviable perks. The architect in charge is Adam (Martin), and naturally, they hit it off. A cutesy romance is budding, but there’s one major hiccup. Jane begins having an affair. With Jake. Her ex-husband. She is now the “other woman” of the scenario, in some twisted, karma-fueled catastrophe of rom-com delight. We were warned — it’s complicated.

‘It’s Complicated’ Hit Surprisingly Close to Home

When I first saw It’s Complicated, the rom-com genre had never been on my radar. A high-school-aged me had no desire to dive into a rom-com, but this one had a key hook: Meryl Streep. Heavily involved in my school’s drama department, I would consume whatever I possibly could from the world of theater while stuck far away from Broadway or any semblance of metropolitan opportunities. In 2008, the year before It’s Complicated‘s release, two major stage-to-screen films came to life, and both starred Meryl Streep. Doubt, John Patrick Shanley‘s adaptation of his stage play, showed Streep at her absolute best, and Mamma Mia!, another Broadway import, showed her having the time of her life. I don’t care what anyone says, it was irresistible. By now, I’m a devout, dues-paid member of the Meryl Streep fan club. From here on out, I will see anything she’s in — even a rom-com.

So, I’m already primed to relax and watch It’s Complicated for whatever it’s got for me, and then two hours later, I’m dumbfounded by the fact that I’m actively reeling over this film more than any recent watch. Leading up to this, we had Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, The Reader, and even WALL-E. It was an outrageously stacked year, and yet this was the one I couldn’t shake. It’s Complicated allows the entire ordeal to be fun without sacrificing some hard truths. Something about a spoonful of sugar, you know? Streep has this knack for whimsy that’s somehow still so solid in realism; you find yourself doing that thing where you’re laughing when she laughs, frowning when she frowns, and even copying those signature Streep gestures without realizing it.

This movie may have been geared toward an older audience (older than a young teen, at least), but it sure found an unlikely target. As a child of divorce, watching It’s Complicated while still in school, I’d never even considered the idea of continued love in one’s later years. The concept of dating or pursuing anyone after ending a marriage wasn’t something I could even grasp as a child. I was amid meeting and reconciling stepparents, split holidays, and siblings spread across state lines. Everything brewing internally told me to be angry, resentful, and bitter, but you simply cannot stay stubborn when Nancy Meyers and Meryl Streep have teamed up to say: This is normal. It’s common, even, and your way of packaging and grappling with all this is not the only perspective to consider.

Your relationships affect those around you — even more so when you’re a parent. Opinions from your children, your friends, and yes, in some cases, even your ex, will come into play. It’s a sort of unwritten contract we enter into in the real world. Love isn’t usually a two-person game; when you’re an actual human, operating as someone who doesn’t simply cut all ties after a split, there are lingering effects that could last years, decades, or a lifetime. All this, of course, plays out for Jane. She’s secretly seeing her ex-husband under the noses of his new wife, their children, and the man with whom she’s forming a new, lovely bond. Suddenly and simultaneously, I’m seeing my parents in a different light. They aren’t just my mother and father; they’re both their own person. They want the most out of their lives, and continuing the messy search for love is just as confusing for them today as it was before I was born.

Jane, doubting any version of this can lead to a positive outcome, expresses semblances of worry to her friends, her therapist, and at one point, Adam, but he surprises her with the most comforting retort. “Your age is one of my favorite things about you,” he says. Imagine that — a high school kid, fully invested in the back and forth of fictional figures older than his parents, hit squarely on the head with the reality that longing, desire, and confusion don’t dissolve with age. The visible relief on Jane’s face in response was enough to melt me.

Then, there was the bombshell. When the veil is lifted and everyone’s made aware of the illicit affair, Jane’s kids are hurt. They angrily leave and sulk for a while until their mom comes to them with an apologetic explanation. However, that wasn’t the bombshell. It was the climax of the movie, yes, but what shook me was that I wasn’t on the side of the children. By all rights, I should’ve thought, “Yeah, how dare you not consider how this would affect me, your child!” Children are entitled to some selfishness, but I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. The shocking lesson It’s Complicated offered was that it’s not really all that complicated. People want to love, and they want to be wanted, and that doesn’t change with age. If I was going to handle this whole “life” thing, I had better start seeing everyone else as fully realized humans. And maybe laugh at the chaos, too.

It’s Complicated is currently streaming on Peacock in the U.S.

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